


So Baby Pull Me Closer

by mimi_chi



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, F/M, M/M, Post-Break Up, then make up, with a happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-02
Updated: 2018-07-13
Packaged: 2019-02-27 04:30:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 15,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13240461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mimi_chi/pseuds/mimi_chi
Summary: *CLOSER by Chainsmokers feat. Halsey blaring in the background*AKA The one where Akaashi hadn't seen or heard from Bokuto in four years and then fate reconnects them on a long airplane ride. Only Bokuto has a boyfriend. Oops.





	1. Chapter 1

"Akaashi?"

Even though Akaashi hadn't heard that voice in two years, and hadn't been in Bokuto Koutarou's presence for four, he knew who had called for him even before he turned around. Even though his trademark black and white hair had been cut down to more subdued spikes and was in a more fashionable undercut, even though he was bundled up in a thick winter coat that hid his muscular physique, even though the way he had said Akaashi's name was at a lower volume than Akaashi had ever thought possible, it was still Bokuto-san. His trusted captain and ace during high school, one of his best friends, and the ex-boyfriend he had left behind when he had gotten a great job offer right out of college. Akaashi had never been one to put much stock in fate, believing that a person made their own luck and path in life, but there had been a time when Bokuto had almost made him think of such fanciful notions. 

Of course their reunion would do the same, and of course it would be during one of the longest plane rides that Akaashi had ever been on, a sixteen hour flight from Las Angeles back to Narita Airport. The three hour layover in Hong Kong also suddenly loomed in his mind, and while he wanted to pretend like he hadn't heard Bokuto or was aware of him, he caught the seat number on Bokuto's ticket. The one right next to him. Sometimes Akaashi wasn't sure if he had done something to warrant such coincidences in a past life or if his biting commentary was just that hilarious to some higher power.

"Bokuto-san." It felt a bit wrong to call him that after he'd called him _Koutarou_ the last time he had seen him, but it was safer this way. He got up from his seat obligingly, letting Bokuto pass by him, trying not to note how his scent had changed. It used to be a clean linen scent mixed with sandalwood. Now it was something sharper, with hints of vanilla or lavender thrown in. It was sophisticated, something that even though Akaashi had admired and cared for Bokuto deeply, had never thought was synonymous with the other man. _Four years is a long time to change_ Akaashi reminded himself, because he was sure that Bokuto was taking note of how different he looked. He had cut his hair shorter as well, a well tamed cut that only hinted to his wild curls, and he was sure his face was thinner than when they had last seen each other. It might be difficult to note anything else since Akaashi too, was bundled up against the elements, his scarf still tightly wound around his neck and covering the lower half of his face. Truthfully, Akaashi was a bit surprised Bokuto had recognized him at all.

"What are the odds?" Bokuto asked with a grin, that despite the time that had lapsed between them, was still the same. It was still the devil may care kind of grin that had always set Akaashi on edge or had set his heart racing. Now, it did a bit of both, and Akaashi offered up a polite smile in return, surprised by Bokuto's civility. They hadn't exactly parted on the best terms last time they had seen each other, but for all of Bokuto's weaknesses, holding grudges was never one of them. There had been more than one time that Akaashi had wished the other man would get angry, truly angry, but it had never really happened. 

"Indeed. I didn't know you were even in the States." Akaashi said, taking his seat again, twisting his hands in his lap, far too conscious of how close they were. He would let Bokuto have the armrest, he decided, and he would do his best to stay stock still for most of the plane ride. He was used to sitting still for long periods of time, after all.

"Yeah! I was there for a match and a little sight seeing." Bokuto stated happily, pulling out his phone as if to show Akaashi pictures, when the intercom buzzed with the flight attendants starting their spiel about safety and turning all devices off. Bokuto shot Akaashi a small, sheepish look, one that Akaashi normally associated with Bokuto forgetting to do his homework or when he was being reminded to do a chore. He looked away, half fond and half exasperated.

After that, it seemed like the time window for any pleasantries they could have exchanged had closed, Bokuto almost immediately falling asleep against the window, his breathing soft and even. When he woke an hour later, he seemed more interested in watching a few of the in-flight movies than with speaking with Akaashi, which was fine with him. He had brought a bit of work with him on the plane to do, and though he finished it fairly quickly, he had also stashed two books into his carry-on to entertain himself with.

It wasn't until the fourth hour passed, and Bokuto had started jiggling his leg in a very familiar manner that they even spoke to each other. Bokuto took off his headphones, looking a bit apologetic and he managed to get out, "Bathroom-" before Akaashi was already moving. When he returned, instead of going right back to his movie like Akaashi had anticipated, he leaned back in his seat, shooting Akaashi a calculating look.

"It's kind of awkward right?" He asked, and couldn't help but be surprised that it had taken him this long to address the large, uncomfortable elephant between them. Had Bokuto finally learned tact, and who had taught him? Akaashi might owe him a drink. "I mean, yeah the last time we saw each other was even worse, but you're coming back home. I want us to be okay." He said it so sincerely, puppy dog eyes switched on for added effect. Akaashi was forced to remember how Bokuto had managed to talk him into more things than he dared recall.

"One one condition: we don't talk about our love lives, past or present." Akaashi said quickly, not sure why that condition was so important to him. He was sure Bokuto wasn't the type to compare himself to an ex to see who was 'winning' or who was 'losing' but Akaashi wasn't ready to admit to him he hadn't dated anyone seriously since him. He didn't really want to speak with it to anyone, if he could get away with it. Akaashi already knew as soon as he got back home his mother would set him up on a bunch of well-meaning blind dates that he would have to suffer through, and his friends had already alluded to setting him up with other singles. It felt too pathetic, and he wasn't looking forward to discussing his and Bokuto's past relationship. Even though an explanation was long past due. He had thought of reaching out several times these past years with an apology, but the time had never felt right and he had always managed to talk himself out of it beforehand. Perhaps he had been hoping he never would have to do so, but as with most things concerning Bokuto, his plans had been thrown in disarray.

"Deal, so long as we don't talk about last year's match with Brazil." Bokuto replied quickly, face pinching. Akaashi had to hide his smile, though it wasn't surprising that Bokuto was still smarting from such a terrible loss. He had followed his career every once and a while, and even now he could remember all the headlines about that match. Most of the newspapers had blamed Bokuto's sporadic performance in the first match as what had caused Japan to lose, but Akaashi had been a bit kinder ( and perhaps a bit more biased ) in his thoughts. 

"Deal." Akaashi said, holding out his hand to shake on it like this was just another business transaction, a reflex he hadn't been aware he'd given into until Bokuto let out a laugh, joyous and loud. Before Akaashi could be embarrassed or explain, Bokuto shook his hand, his hand still just as warm and calloused and Akaashi remembered it. His lips quirked upwards despite his best efforts, and he let his hand fall back down to his lap, settling in comfortably. "Has your English gotten any better?" He asked, slightly teasing, wanting to have this conversation start on his own terms.

Predictably, Bokuto let out a little groan, tossing his head back unhappily.

"Why's that the first thing you ask?! Couldn't you have said something about how cool my hair looks now or how I haven't aged a day?" Bokuto complained, mock hurt, and just like that, it was like no time had lapsed between them at all.

"Your hair looks very nice Mr. Bokuto. You haven't aged a day." Akaashi told him in English, face as smooth and expressionless as ever, and it was worth it to see Bokuto put the back of his hand to his forehead dramatically. It was interesting to see how much of Oikawa Tooru's penchant for theatrics had rubbed off on Bokuto, and while one time it might have been a rub of salt into a wound, Akaashi wasn't bothered now. He hadn't been Bokuto's setter for a long time now, and he had made his peace with it even before he had to make his peace with not being anything to Bokuto.

"That is very kind of you to say Mr. Akaashi. I miss your old hair cut. This is too short." Bokuto said in slightly accented English, but it was leaps and bounds better than the incomprehensible mess that he had shouted at poor tourists when they were in high school and even into college. When his words sank in, Akaashi let a hand drift to his hair, a bit self-conscious.

"It was too much maintenance, in the mornings." Akaashi said, switching back to Japanese, because he had to admit he had missed speaking it and because he felt had teased Bokuto enough. 

"I always liked your sleepy look." Bokuto said, carefree and easy, and it shouldn't have made Akaashi's heart stutter like it did, but well. He had always been weak to Bokuto's charm, and while outwardly Bokuto might have seemed like the needier of the pair when it came to compliments or attention, Akaashi had always been buoyed by his compliments. For all that others and Bokuto himself had said, Bokuto had never needed Akaashi, not really.

"Is that fashionable now? Like your hair cut?" Akaashi asked blandly, and it was Bokuto's turn to run his hand through his hair, laughing slightly.

"You don't like it?" He pouted, looking a bit self-conscious, but instead of spiraling downwards like he might have in the past, he seemed to keep himself steady. It was interesting, to see all the subtle changes in him that Akaashi might not have noticed if they had been together this whole time, but after gaining some distance and perspective from him, it was a bit jarring. But he supposed Bokuto couldn't have continued on as a professional volleyball player if he had to rely on his whole team to support him. Oikawa Tooru may be known as the Grand King of the court, and a magician when it came to getting players to do their best, but it shouldn't be necessary at that level to babysit a moody player.

"It's... different." Is what Akaashi settled on diplomatically, and that made Bokuto laugh again, and he nudged their shoulders together. The physical affection and lack of boundaries shouldn't bother him, but half of him wanted to scold Bokuto, to remind him of the delicate balance between the two of him, while the other part of him, well... It was best to not think of it.

"Always so diplomatic! I bet that helped you out at your company. I heard that they offered you a permanent supervisor position there." Bokuto said, and it was strange that Bokuto knew of such a thing, and that he could say that sentence without any bitterness. That he had kept tabs on Akaashi while Akaashi had done his best to keep his head down and forget. But he supposed that was just another difference between them: Bokuto would have been happy for Akaashi to know he was doing well, while Akaashi had only felt a twisting sort of blackness back in those early days. He had never wished ill on Bokuto, but to see him doing so well without him, to be so happy and to laugh so easily, had been difficult for him.

"Yes," Akaashi replied quickly, aware that the silence might have alerted Bokuto and worried him even after all this time, "but I've learned all I can there." Which was the... diplomatic answer he had been giving everyone when they had asked. It had been what he had told his supervisor, a strict but fair woman who had been so full of compassion it had been like having a second mother stateside. It's what he had told the Japanese branch of the company once he requested a transfer back home. It's what he had told his friends once he had alerted everyone of his return. And yet it wasn't the whole truth, not by a long shot. Honestly, he had been homesick. For his mother's cooking, for the silly jokes of his friends, and for the place where he didn't have to second guess every word that he spoke. 

While Akaashi had carved out a good life for himself in the States, he couldn't help but feel detached from it all. He had gone in with the mindset it would only be temporary, and he had treated it that way. He hadn't made any lasting, real friendships with anyone, and he had only really socialized with his coworkers. The first and last year of his assignment had been the hardest, and when he had been offered a chance to sign on for another four years, he had balked. He had seen the four years stretch out before him, joyless, with each day a struggle as his loved ones and friends started to regard him as an occasional interloper in their lives, nothing more than a specter. Then where would he be?

Bokuto looked far too knowing at that small admission, and Akaashi added quietly, "And Saru's daughter is going to be turning two soon. I promised I would make it for that." 

The distraction worked as well as Akaashi had hoped it would, Bokuto's eyes instantly going comically wide, and he reared back. "I forgot about that! Saru'll kill me if I miss it and I'm actually in Tokyo that day!"

A good few hours were spent speaking of their shared teammates and friends, and Akaashi tried not to feel envy as Bokuto spoke of the get togethers they'd had over the years, of the silly antics they had gotten up to, and more importantly, how most of his friends had managed to find someone they had been with for at least a year. He couldn't begrudge them, not when he wished only for their happiness, but it left him feeling a bit hollow.

As if sensing the change in mood, Bokuto started to tell Akaashi silly animal facts such as, "Did you know that wombats poop out cubes? Isn't that weird?!" or "Manatees control their buoyancy by farting Akaashi! With their farts!" And he couldn't help but laugh a bit helplessly at the weirdness of it all. Despite how much some things had changed, it seemed that just as many stayed the same.

 

 

\---

 

 

"Where are you staying when you get back?" Bokuto asked eventually, after they had gotten bored of talking about the movies they had watched and what their favorite song was at the moment ( Akaashi had a feeling that Bokuto's favorite song was going to get stuck in his mind for hours or he would remember it at the most inappropriate time and be unable to stop from smiling ). 

Akaashi had been in the middle of shrugging off his jacket, feeling far too warm to justify keeping it on, and he felt a bit silly to stay in it when Bokuto had shed most of his outer clothing hours ago.

"Yukie-san was kind enough to open her home to me." Akaashi stated, though in reality Yukie had told him in no uncertain terms if he didn't stay with her and instead bothered his parents ( who had also offered, but were enjoying their retirement ) or went to a hotel, she would hunt him down. Having seen her abilities all throughout high school, Akaashi had no choice but to accept, but he had always had a fondness for Yukie. Her cheerful nature and the easy way she wrangled people had earned her his respect, and it didn't hurt that she was also one of the few people he knew who was still single and would be a great shield in protecting him from both unwanted advances or questions.

"You're a brave man." Bokuto stated solemnly, even going so far as to put a heavy hand on Akaashi's shoulder. It was the first physical touch between them that had been on purpose, and of course Bokuto would do it as soon as he had taken off the protection of his jacket. His hand was as warm as it ever was, and Akaashi was glad that he retracted his hand quickly.

"Do you still owe her money?" Akaashi asked in amusement, turning to hide his smile when Bokuto squawked indignantly. Yukie had done quite well for herself, and she had told Akaashi once in confidence she had known she would be enjoy working in finances because it had brought her a great deal of joy ( and money ) lending out her allowance to people like Bokuto. Not only did she enjoy it, but Yukie had taken the lessons she had learned in high school and was doing quite well for herself. The pictures she had sent Akaashi of her loft had made it seem very spacious, and she was considering buying a house so she could fit be closer to her parents and grandparents.

'But only after I do everything I want.' Yukie had added, and Akaashi had been wary of the gleam in her eyes at that.

"No! I've paid it off a long time ago! I've gotten better about my money." Bokuto said, a bit grudgingly, as he sat back in his seat. The plane ride had been so pleasant so far that Akaashi had thought perhaps Bokuto's 'emo mode' might not be as bad as it had been, or as frequent. But this felt like the beginning of a mood. Akaashi could taste it like one could taste a storm in the air, electric and tangible. 

"It has been a long time." Akaashi said softly, delicately, but perhaps he too had changed. It wasn't instinctual to immediately try to pull Bokuto out of a funk. What would the point be? He wasn't his setter or his boyfriend anymore. He had to remember that. Even if speaking with Bokuto had managed to brighten up this trip, it didn't change anything. It couldn't. "I suppose a lot has changed."

 

After being able to read every one of Bokuto's expressions for so long, when Bokuto's face became unreadable to him, it was a shock and made his stomach twist anxiously. Perhaps this had been a bad idea after all, and he was trying to formulate the words to suggest as diplomatically as possible that he should switch seats when Bokuto exhaled, leaning back in his chair.

"Yeah." A quiet Bokuto was a rare Bokuto, true, and it put Akaashi on guard like nothing else. He could be devastating in moments like these, and if his heart was already swayed slightly, a serious Bokuto could be his downfall. He watched as Bokuto took a deep breath to center himself, then he flashed Akaashi a wane smile. "But not everything! I bet you're starving right now."

It had always amused Bokuto how much Akaashi could eat, and in that sense he had been Akaashi's barometer for hunger. Bokuto would know before he would, and often was there with something to tide him over until they could eat a proper meal or he would have already long since insisted they go out to eat, arriving just in time for the hunger to really overtake Akaashi. Taking care of each other had gone both ways, and Akaashi had almost forgotten about that. 

When he ducked his head instead of answering, Bokuto laughed, holding out the package of complimentary peanuts that wouldn't do much more than whet his appetite.

"Here, I saved these for you." As if sensing that this wouldn't be helpful in the least, he also dug around in his backpack underneath his seat, offering a few more energy bars. Akaashi accepted them tentatively, willing himself not to be touched. Bokuto would do things like this for anyone. It wasn't as if this meant Akaashi was special. 

 

 

\---

 

 

"Do you ever miss playing?" Bokuto asked casually during their layover, having insisted they get some real food to stick to their ribs. Unfortunately the airport offered little in the way of actual restaurants so they had settled on a pizza place. The rest of the airport was mostly stuffed full of souvenir shops, which might have made a liar out of Bokuto when it came to how he handled his finances. Bokuto had gushed over each different stuffed panda he had come across, and Akaashi had to remind him multiple times that there was no way that all of them would fit on his lap during the rest of the plane ride, and Akaashi wasn't going to offer his lap space up for any panda plushie, no matter how cute. It had seemed safer to agree to eat with him than leave him to his own devices. 

The question wasn't as out of the blue as some of his other ones ( like if Akaashi had missed heated toilet seats during the winter or how many tattoos he'd seen that had weird Japanese phrases instead of what the person thought it said ), and he had been expecting Bokuto to have asked it far earlier. After all, volleyball was still such a large part of his life, and Akaashi knew he was still as passionate about it as he had ever been.

"Sometimes." Akaashi admitted, but he had made his peace with not being able to continue alongside Bokuto for quite some time now. Akaashi had always been pragmatic and a realist, if nothing else. "I found a few groups that play it recreationally, but it's not the same and I have found other interests now." Which might sound like an excuse to anyone else, but Bokuto only nodded along, trying to fit the pizza slice neatly into his mouth ( and failing ). Akaashi tried not to be charmed by it.

"So what kind of interests?" Bokuto asked around a mouthful of pizza, which helped him be considerably less charmed, but he couldn't help but smile anyway.

"Mystery novels." Akaashi stated briefly, sure that the mention of reading for pleasure would be enough to make Bokuto recoil. While he didn't do so outwardly, his expression turned into something more neutral. Perhaps Akaashi wasn't the only one who was diplomatic, now. "And crime television." Akaashi admitted, mostly because it had been fascinating to him how violent the States were compared to Japan. While it wasn't exactly crime free either, the fact that there were enough gory murders to warrant its own channel had been as disturbing as it was intriguing.

Bokuto laughed at that admission, reaching for the napkins between them. "I always thought you would be one of the best person to commit a crime with. Or solve one. You or Kuroo." Bokuto stated, and Akaashi wasn't sure if he should be flattered by that assessment or not. His past experiences had taught him that Kuroo was more likely to be on the wrong side of the law than not, but at least he was smart enough not to get caught. Then again, this had been during high school and college, and perhaps he had changed.

"Was he the one to convince you to get the tattoo?" Akaashi asked, trying to sound more biting than he actually was. The large, realistic great horned owl that had taken residence on Bokuto's back, wings outspread and eyes fierce, had startled Akaashi the first time he had seen the hint of feathers on his shoulders through his jersey. When he had taken off his jacket earlier, Akaashi had gotten a better look at it. Not that he had been actively looking for it, but it had sparked some curiosity. Akaashi had never thought that Bokuto would be able to sit still long enough for such a large piece, and he had never expressed interest in tattoos.

Bokuto rubbed at his shoulder a bit self-consciously, mouth curving up in a small secretive smile. "Nah, he tried to talk me out of it because he knew he'd have to go with me to each session and hold my hand." Their lack of boundaries when it came to physical affection had always been a constant, and long before he had started to date Bokuto, he had accepted it. Once, when he had broached Bokuto on the subject of why he and Kuroo had never dated, he had just laughed. 

'Not all love has to be romantic.' He had said then, but had ruined the sentiment by making out platonically with Kuroo the rest of the night.

"Poor Kuroo-san." Akaashi said with a small shake of his head, and Bokuto only shrugged helplessly.

"It seemed like a good idea at the time! It was something to take my mind off of-" He stopped quickly, eyes wide as if he expected Akaashi to punish him for getting so close to negating their deal. Carefully, Akaashi took another bite of his pizza to give him something else to do, the silence awkward and heavy around them.

"Ah." Was all he could say to that, heart twisting. He had always wondered the meaning behind the tattoo, and had come up with a few theories when he had been bored, but he had always hoped it was something more positive than trying to forget heartbreak. Determined not to let that be the last of the conversation, Akaashi let his eyes meet Bokuto's. "Did Kuroo get one too?" Obviously relieved that Akaashi wasn't getting angry, Bokuto laughed louder than he normally would have, putting his forearm onto the table where 'oya oya' had been written neatly in small kanji down his arm. 

"We got matching ones." He said proudly, and Akaashi had to put his pizza slice down so he could start massaging his temples to try to fend off the incoming headache.

 

 

\----

 

 

"Are you going to be in Tokyo for long, Bokuto-san?" Akaashi asked tentatively, their flight on its last legs. Instead of focusing on the past as they had been, Akaashi wanted to know what his future held. It had been... nice to see Bokuto again, to talk with him. The books he had brought with him had been forgotten in his bag, and the only times they hadn't been speaking was when one or the other had inevitably fallen asleep. He had made the flight go by quickly, and Akaashi was hopeful that they could rekindle their friendship again. He had missed Bokuto's cheerful, overly loud, and engaging presence more than he had cared to admit. While he knew he had friends waiting for him back home, he wanted to count Bokuto among them. Perhaps it was overly optimistic of him, maybe they were just going to make the same mistakes they always made, but if anything, Akaashi felt like they had both matured. 

"For a few months. I'll still be training, but it's the off season so I can catch up with everyone." Bokuto looked wide eyed and eager to do so, leaning forward in his seat to confide in Akaashi. "I mean it's great that I can video chat or call or text, but it's different than seeing people in person." Akaashi couldn't help the slight twist of his mouth at hearing that from Bokuto, and he knew it too, laughing softly and low. "I know, I know. You were right, as always."

"I didn't want to be right." Akaashi said quietly, not sure why he was getting so close to flouting the rule he himself had set. Before Bokuto could reply, he switched tactics. "What do you have planned?"

"Saru's little girl's party first, but then Konoha was talking about doing an old Fukurodani reunion, Yukie said I owed her a night at the bar, I need to stop by Kenma's and Kuroo's-" Bokuto said, listing off everything on his fingers, brows furrowed in concentration as he tried to recall everything that he had planned. It was a good thing then, that they had met on the plane and had time to feel each other out, since a lot of those events overlapped with what Akaashi had been planning. While Bokuto had been fine with him during the flight, it might have been a different story when other people or alcohol was involved. 

"It's a good thing that we were on the same flight then. I'm going to most of those too." Bokuto glanced up at him, eyes wide and curious and golden, and Akaashi fought the urge to look away. There was something about Bokuto's gaze that had always felt like he could see right through people, could find the best in them no matter what. Sometimes Akaashi had worried that even someone like Bokuto would look at him and find nothing. "This might have been the best way we could meet again." Akaashi elaborated, and Bokuto's face broke out into a grin, wide enough to crinkle the skin around his eyes.

"It was nice to talk to you again. I didn't realize how much I missed it!" Bokuto said, cutting straight to the heart of the matter. It would only have been more honest if he had said he had missed- "I also missed you a lot, too." Bokuto stated as if he had read Akaashi's mind, as if he was still capable of doing so after all these years. Akaashi felt a small flush work itself across his face, and he had to take a deep breath to find his calm again. Bokuto was like this with everyone, it was nothing special. He had seen Bokuto break into a full sprint to tackle Kuroo and holler the same thing when Kuroo had left to use the bathroom for five minutes at a training camp. Akaashi must be starved for attention if he was willing to let something like that get his heart fluttering. 

"It's been nice." Akaashi agreed tentatively, and before he could assign too much meaning to Bokuto's words, he flipped through a few of the in-flight movies. "I've always wanted to see this. Would you like to watch it with me?" It was a harmlessly fun superhero movie that he had little vested interest in, but he was sure it would suck Bokuto in for the rest of the flight. Hopefully it would give Akaashi enough time to become grounded again or at least to distract himself from how he felt his heart stirring. He had a sinking feeling it would go just as well as the last time he had tried to stop himself from falling for Bokuto Koutarou.

 

 

\---

 

 

During their first meeting, the word 'fate' had never once been what he would have thought to describe it. Bokuto had been on the bench pouting while some of the upperclassmen cloistered around him to lecture him on his mood swings. Even then, Akaashi had seen how little effect their words had on the other boy, his eyes straying from the faces of his teammates to the volleyballs that were being smacked around.

Then Konoha had swooped down to introduce himself, beaming, and had taken the first years on a tour. After the tour they were allowed to do a few drills with some of the second-strings, and Akaashi had been assigned to Bokuto. Konoha had given him a sympathetic pat on the shoulder.

His first impression had been that Bokuto had seemed far too downtrodden than his exuberant hair style would suggest, and he had believed that Bokuto would probably leave the team soon, considering his inability to play properly.

When he had left the club for the day, he hadn't given Bokuto a second thought.

 

 

\---

 

 

Narita airport was a swirling vortex of energy, people on their phones clattering along with their luggage, helpful attendants corralling confused looking tourists this way or that.

For a moment, Akaashi felt a bit lost, looking around for Yukie's face in the unending sea of people. Just before he felt like he was drowning in noise and people, Bokuto came up behind him, shrugging his bag behind his shoulders. His presence was still as comforting as it always was, and Akaashi let out a breath he hadn't been aware he had been holding. Bokuto was only a few inches taller than him now, but Bokuto's eyesight had always seemed better. Fitting for a bird of prey, Akaashi supposed. He scanned the crowd briefly, before his face lit up, and he was striding forward before Akaashi was aware he was moving.

"Oh, there they are. C'mon." Before Akaashi could question who 'they' were exactly, Bokuto ushered him forward, the crowd parting naturally for him. 

He spotted Yukie almost as soon as they were upon her, her expression just as blase as it ever was, and in her hands was a cardboard sign with his name on it. For some reason, it made him feel just as welcome as the hug she enveloped him in.

"Welcome home." She said softly, and Akaashi could only nod mutely. It hadn't really felt real, until this moment, that he was coming home. The flight with Bokuto had felt like some suspended reality where all they were going to do was eat terrible food and trade animal facts. Then flicking her gaze over to Bokuto, she quirked an eyebrow as if to ask 'are you okay?' for which he was grateful, but he would rather discuss with her out of his earshot. 

He nodded to alleviate her worries, before turning to see why Bokuto had so rudely not greeted Yukie yet, only to get a front row seat to Bokuto kissing another man. A small, stupid part of him wanted to gloss it over, to believe it was just a good friend of Bokuto's. He had always been loose and carefree with his affection so maybe- Any feelings he had been carefully nursing, any thoughts of reconciliation went out the window when Bokuto turned to the both of them, beaming happily, arm thrown casually over the shorter man's shoulders.

"Akaashi, this is Kai! My boyfriend." He said, looking so happy and smitten that Akaashi could only bow dumbly to the other man, ( Kai, his brain supplied far too quickly, was not the other man ), blood rushing to his ears. He had been a fool to believe that someone like Bokuto wouldn't have moved on. He was charming, out-going, and good-looking. Of course he would have found someone else. For some reason, it felt like a betrayal, like someone should have warned him of this. 

'You told him not to talk about his love life,' he scolded himself, feeling bile at the back of his throat, 'and you asked everyone at home not to give you updates on him. This is what happens.'

When he straightened, he gave the other ma- Kai, a small smile that he hoped hid how hard his heart was clenched in his chest, so tight and painful it might as well have been in a metal vice. 

"It's a pleasure to meet you."


	2. Chapter 2

"We should go out."

That confident statement, straight out of the strange depths of Bokuto's occasionally fathomless mind, was told to him nonchalantly on an innocent summer afternoon. The both of them were lazing about Akaashi's dorm room, their thighs pressed together. They had been taking a break during their studying session, Bokuto insisting they watch a few videos of his upcoming opponents, with nervousness churning in his gut like rancid water. His position on the volleyball team was precarious at best, and more than one person was convinced he was only on the team because of both the high praise of Bokuto and Kuroo, with Akashi being one of them. He had harbored a small hope that he would still be able to keep up with Bokuto at the college level, but the more time passed, the less likely that seemed. For the past few weeks, he had been trying to think of a way to tell Bokuto he wanted to focus on his studies more, and that volleyball was eating too much of his precious time. It wasn't a decision he had made lightly, and thinking about giving up the sport that he had loved so much had weighed on him so heavily he had lost sleep over it. Bokuto had shot him increasingly worried looks as it had worn on, and Akaashi was loathe to make him worry. Eventually, his practicality won out over his passion, and he comforted himself with the knowledge that he could at least still play, even if it wasn't in an official or professional setting.

He had thought now might have been the right time to let Bokuto, and to apologize for making him worry. if Bokuto hadn't chosen that very moment to confess. The statement shocked him to his core, and he whipped his head around to look at the wing spiker, eyes wide.

There was a pregnant pause while Akaashi tried to figure out of this was a strange joke, prank, or if he had perhaps misheard.

"What?" Akaashi asked intelligently, and Bokuto had laughed, soft and intimate.

"I've liked you for a long time, but I didn't want to overwhelm you. You seemed really busy with getting settled during your first semester here. I didn't want to burden you until you were comfortable here." Bokuto seemed to picking up steam in this, as if he was expecting Akaashi to argue with him. "And lately you've seemed so down, so I wanted to let you know that no matter what happens, I'll still stay by your side! If there's something bothering you, I want to help out. You always take on too much by yourself Akaashi, and you forget that we're all here to help you, especially me!" He paused, having the grace to look a bit sheepish. "I know it might be sudden, but I figured you've always endured the questions about whether we were dating or not well enough, and I've asked a few people if it would be a good idea if we actually did-"

"Who else have you asked?" Akaashi asked severely, feeling his world shift, topsy turvy. Had everyone known about Bokuto's feelings but him? Akaashi had secretly, in moments of pure delusion and fancy, hoped that Bokuto would look his way since his third year. His exasperation had given way to admiration and then genuine fondness. But he could never be sure of Bokuto's feelings, if he was reading too much into Bokuto's actions because he wanted his feelings to be returned or if it was just Bokuto being Bokuto. 

"Just a few people! Like some of our old teammates, Yukie, Kuroo, some of your classmates..." Akaashi felt his face starting to get warm, and he wasn't sure whether he was feeling mortification or happiness more. As if to spare him any further embarrassment, Bokuto let that topic trail off. "So do you want to?" Bokuto asked steadily, leaning forward, eyes searching Akaashi's face, and causing him to look away. How was Bokuto able to ask such a question so casually when Akaashi's heart was threatening to escape through his throat?

Mutely, he could only nod. "Yes. I do."

It was difficult to tell what was brighter, the sun shining unbidden through his window or Bokuto's smile.

 

\---

 

"I bet you didn't miss all the traffic here." Yukie said with a disapprovingly cluck of her tongue, cursing under her breath as another driver swerved into her lane. "They invented turn signals for a reason!" She snarled, her usually calm and collected disposition crumbling as soon as she got behind the wheel of a car. The first time that Akaashi had ridden with her, he had been petrified, holding onto the handle above the window for dear life while trying to do his best not to draw any of her ire. Now, he knew better.

"Think of your blood pressure. You'll age before your time." He stated dryly, and Yukie sent him a supposedly sweet smile, though she grit her teeth.

"Speaking of aging, with that kind of haircut, it looks like you have a receding hairline." She shot back neatly, and he had the feeling that anyone else would have been mortified by how they spoke to each other, but there was a reason they had stayed so close despite the time and the distance. They both observed people and knew what made them tick, and while Yukie hadn't handled Bokuto as well as Akaashi back in high school, he would be the first to say it was because she wasn't as invested in doing so as Akaashi's. Yukie would also add that she had never wanted to sleep with him, either. 

"If I survive this car ride, I'll make sure to let it grow out again." Akaashi said, turning his face away to hide his smile, and Yukie let out a small tinkling laugh.

"If you want to drive, be my guest." She gestured towards the wheel obligingly, and Akaashi shook his head, amused. A comfortable silence settled over them for a few seconds, and for the first time back in his home country, he felt glad to be back. Already he felt lighter, his outlook far less bleak. He had always taken for granted his support network here, though now that he was back, he would redouble his efforts to set down real lasting roots here. 

"You're looking well, Yukie-san." She snorted at the formal address, but she had long since given up trying to convince Akaashi to use otherwise. "How has your job been treating you?"

"I'm up for a promotion soon. Are you sure you don't want to leave your company and come work with me? I'd have that power now." Yukie stated smugly, eyes glinting mischievously, and grinning, Akaashi shook his head.

"I appreciate the offer, but I was offered a generous amount to transfer back to this branch. Being able to speak fluent English makes me very valuable." He said, without an ounce of conceit, and Yukie considered this, brows furrowed.

"You've always been very valuable, Keiji." She stated softly, and the break in their normal routine was strange. When Akaashi shot her a questioning look, she waved a hand as if to dismiss the heavy atmosphere. "It's good to have you back. I know Suzu-chan will be happy to see you again." It was strange to hear the same endearment that Yukie had used to address Suzumeda during their relationship still being in play after they had broken up, but Akaashi figured a high school romance didn't have to mean the end of a friendship for everybody.

"How is she doing?" Akaashi asked quickly, not wanting to follow the path his thoughts would take him, and even though Yukie looked at him knowingly, she kindly didn't bother to mention it.

"She's doing well. She's been with her current girlfriend for two years now I think? But she's miserable at her job and if her girlfriend doesn't protest too much, I might hire her on." Yukie said nonchalantly, and Akaashi envied her cool and collected approach to such a thing. Even though time was supposed to heal all wounds, these past few hours with Bokuto had proved that for better or for worse, Akaashi had never really gotten over him. He had just thought he had put Bokuto on a pedestal, that their chemistry had been something he had imagined to be something far better than it had been in order to get himself through lonely nights, or that he was just remembering the good times and none of the bad. And yet... Their easy reconnection was difficult to ignore, even though Akaashi knew better. Bokuto had always been able to effortlessly do what Akaashi could never hope to accomplish. 

He must have been quiet for far too long, because Yukie turned slightly in her seat to level her gaze at him as they pulled up to a stop light.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Her tone was devoid of judgement, and he embarrassed, he found himself hoping that he had managed to keep it together better when he had met Bokuto's boyfriend.

Akaashi might have told her that it was stupid, might have tried to deflect if he was at one hundred percent capacity, but the flight had been long and he was tired. Being with a good friend, back home, and on the way to a place that would welcome him, had lowered his guard enough that he was considering speaking with her about it. 

"I don't know what I was expecting." He started, honestly, words heavy on his tongue, heart weighed down in his chest. It had been pure arrogance, to believe that Bokuto would never have been able to get over Akaashi. Despite the fact that most of their peers in high school had thought Bokuto odd and strange, the ones they had in college had no such hang ups. Akaashi had been acutely aware of how many people Bokuto's laugh had drawn in, how many people had nursed quiet crushes on him because he was so attentive and helpful, how many people had admired his physique. 

"We should have warned you. But I didn't even realize that you both would be on the same flight home." Yukie said, sounding sympathetic and kind. Akaashi shook his head, not wanting Yukie to feel any sort of guilt in this. It was he who had made his bed, and him alone.

"I asked you not to tell me about him. Like a good friend, you listened. I was a fool for asking him not to tell me either." How could Akaashi be angry at anyone but himself for being blindsided when he'd asked for the blindfold himself? He rubbed his face tiredly, sitting back in his seat, and Yukie kept blessedly quiet for a few more roads before speaking.

"Do you want that update now then?" For a dark moment, he wanted to snap back. What good would it do now? And yet... He had remembered his shock at seeing Bokuto embrace someone else, to have eyes only for someone else, to kiss someone else... He hadn't fallen in love with him again, at least, but he had been dangerously close to stepping towards the edge to fall. In volleyball and in business, Akaashi had gotten as far as he had because he had always prepared. He had to make up for his lack of natural talent with hard work and intelligence. Here, he would be no different. He wanted to cultivate a friendship with Bokuto again, which meant he would have to stop blocking him from his life. 

"Please." Akaashi encouraged, face still in his hands, but Yukie seemed to understand well enough despite his muffled voice.

"They met about two years ago during one of Kou-kun's matches. Katio-san," there a twist of satisfaction to that, that Yukie didn't address him in a close way, even though Akaashi tried his best to quickly stamp it out, "is a journalist. He's a total sports junkie, and you get those two together, all they do is regurgitate volleyball facts at each other. Kaito-san asked Bokuto out about six months ago. They make an okay couple." Yukie said, loyal as always, and Akaashi couldn't help but grin slightly at that, looking up at her.

"Is that your objective opinion or one as a friend?" Akaashi asked teasingly, and Yukie shrugged, mouth tugging down into a frown.

"He's an all right guy, but well-" She paused, as if considering going further before shaking her head. "You'll see."  
Akaashi was tempted to ask her for more information, but he knew when Yukie had made up her mind, and she could be just as stubborn as anyone from Fukurodani. So, with a slow nod, Akaashi settled back in his chair, folding his hands over his lap, feeling suddenly very tired, as if all the energy he had spent avoiding Bokuto had crashed down at him all at once.

"You can take a nap if you want. We still have an hour drive ahead of us." Yukie said soothingly, giving Akaashi a fond pat on the knee. "I promise I'll get you home in one piece."

"Then you should slow down. You're twenty over the speed limit." Akaashi told her mildly, ignoring her cursing. 

"Good night Keiji-kun~" She sing songed as she turned the radio up, and he drifted away to the sound of some inane pop song.

 

\---

 

It was strange how easy it was to assimilate back to the rhythm of Japan. While there were things that Akaashi missed from the States, such as some of the food he'd grown fond of, there were twice as many things he was glad to have back. Convenience stores at every corner, reliable public transportation, and of course his friends and family. The few sparse visits he had paid them hadn’t done their company any justice.

He had graciously been given two weeks off in order to get his affairs in order before returning to work, most of which he spent visiting his parents and a few old classmates. It was nice after four years of having outings only on weekends with his coworkers and the occasional date, to suddenly have a full social calendar. He was sure he gained ten pounds from his mother's cooking alone. He was quickly reminded after one too many nights of staying out late and drinking with friends why he liked to pace himself. Yukie even took time off so that they could have a quick trip to an onsen, and Akaashi felt the warm water soothe away the burdens of loneliness that he hadn't known he had carried. It was hard to feel isolated surrounded by some many people who were quick to tease him and buy him drinks, when his phone was constantly going off with alerts and phone calls from friends wishing to see him, and when Yukie was a constant by his side if he needed her.

( If he cautiously added Bokuto back to all of his social media, hoping it would be lost amongst all the fanfare, he let no one else know. )

Still, despite the warm welcome and excess of time to relax, he was glad to return to work. 

Akaashi had always done best with a schedule and a routine, and he was a bit surprised by how many familiar faces there were from when he had done his internship. Ito-san was still in charge of design, his face was still as surly as ever, and he had greeted Akaashi with the same disinterest he had four years ago when they had first met. Nakajima-san had been promoted to head of HR, her nail art having improved since he had last seen her, but her laugh was still as infectious. Akaashi’s direct supervisor, Okada-san, had welcomed him warmly, and she had insisted that she try to polish her English with him, in between showing him pictures of her trips around the world.  
But for every familiar face, there was someone new. Most of them greeted him with studied indifference, a few had clearly been gunning for his position before he had usurped their chances, and a few, well…

“Settling in okay, Akaashi-san?” Shibata asked, one of the newer highers still in the midst of his training, setting down a cup of coffee in front of him. A dark roast, with just the slightest hint of cream, just the way Akaashi prefered it. It would surprise him, but Shibata had been watching him like a hawk since he’d been introduced to his fellow team members. A very friendly, soft-spoken, but sharp-eyed hawk. Though Akaashi had made it a point not to sleep with coworkers since he’d made that mistake a few years ago, as far as he was concerned, being friendly never hurt. And it was flattering, in a way. There was no hint of him being after him for his position or the money he was rumored to make. He just seemed genuinely interested in him, and Akaashi might have been a bit starved for it.

“Yes, thanks to everyone’s kindness.” Akaashi said, long eyelashes lowered almost demurely as he looked up at Shibata from beneath them, well aware of the effect that had one others, hiding a smile when Shibata drew a quick breath.

“We’re all glad you’re here. Okada-san spoke highly of you, and some of the others have said you were always great with handling difficult clients.” Which might be a bit of an exaggeration, but Akaashi’s nerves had been forged into steel by going to National’s so many times, and he was good at gauging how far he could push someone or what he needed to do in order to get someone to behave. Okada-san had appreciated that about him, but he hadn’t known it had built him a reputation. 

“I’m glad I’m so highly regarded here, but it wasn’t anything particularly special.” Shibata let out a small laugh at that, a nice soft sound that didn’t knock Akaashi’s heart out of his ribs, but didn’t hurt his ears either.

“You don’t have to be so modest! I’ve dealt with some of your clients after you left, and you’ll have to tell me your secrets. Especially regarding the Saito account.” The face Akaashi pulled must have been noticeable, because Shibata let out another laugh. “We’re going out to drinks after work today. If you want to join us, I’ll buy you a drink for your trouble.”

The look on Shibata’s face was earnest, if a bit too eager, but Akaashi found he didn’t mind. Maybe flirting a bit with a cute coworker wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world.  
“I’d like that.”

 

\---

 

“So has the ban for speaking about Bokuto been lifted? I saw that he was commenting on some of your stuff like crazy the other day.” Konoha asked after Akaashi’s third beer, when he was in a good place, feeling pleasantly content and warm to the tips of his fingertips.

Back in college, Yukie, Bokuto-san, and Akaashi had all attended the same school. Saru and Konoha had only been an hour away, and they had alternated between going out to see them or inviting them to their apartment every weekend. They had mostly drank, complained about their school work load, and teased each other about relationships. It seemed that now that Akaashi had returned, the ritual would start up again, though for this particularly one, Bokuto-san had been excluded and in his place, was Saru’s very sweet and soft-spoken wife Hana. Since Akaashi had seen the couple through the beginning of their slow courtship, their wedding, and birth of their daughter, he was very fond and familiar of Hana. She fit in well with their group, namely that she had a kind face but could throw gasoline onto a fire like the best of them.

“Yukie-chan told us you came back on the same flight. I’m glad that time was spent repairing your friendship.” She said kindly, but her eyes were sharp and calculating. Even though Akaashi had mentally prepared himself, all of his carefully rehearsed conversations had scattered from his mind as quickly as paper in the wind.  


When he rounded on Yukie, she excused herself from the table to retreat into the kitchen to get more snacks, leaving him to deal with the piercing stare of his three other friends.

“Since we run in the same circles, it’s unavoidable. We were very good friends once, and I would hate to lose that too.” Akaashi said carefully, trying to scrounge desperately for a topic that would be juicy enough to distract them from this. 

“Right.” Saru said cheerfully, nudging Hana with his shoulder, both of them sharing a small secretive smile that told Akaashi both that they had already discussed this in length and that they didn’t believe him. “If that’s all there is, we won’t push it.”

“Well I am!” Konoha called out, setting his can down a bit heavier than normal. “He’s still annoying as ever, and more than once, I thought about cutting him out of my life too.”

“Konoha.” Saru interjected mildly, half-amused and half-scolding, but Konoha continued as if he hadn’t heard him.

“Yeah, yeah, he can be a good guy but he’s still so high maintenance. Dunno how he manages to get people to date him.” Konoha scowled with so much feeling at his clenched fists in his lap, that Akaashi felt the need to pat his shoulder comfortingly.

“Good thing we have Akaashi back to elaborate, right?” Hana asked just as mildly as her husband, all eyes turning back to Akaashi. He wasn’t one to buckle under pressure, but under the combined weight of their stares, he felt a little hot under the collar. He had known he would have to address this sooner or later, he just wished he had been more sober.

“If you’re asking if I’m going to be a homewrecker, I’m not interested. Bokuto-san seems happy and I don’t want to ruin that.” Akaashi said firmly, all of them exchanging inscrutable looks.

“Are we telling him-?” Saru started, but Yukie-san finally returned with snacks, making a quick slicing motion across her throat.

“No, so let’s drop it.” Yukie-san said enigmatically as she settled back down into her seat. Before Akaashi could press further, she added, “What I want to hear is how many hot Americans he hooked up with.” Hooked up with, and not dated, Akaashi was relieved to note.

“We’ll be here all night!” Konoha complained, leaning back into his chair, groaning. “Even back in high school this guy had crazy pull. I can’t even remember how many chocolates I had to pass onto him.”

“Top three then.” Yukie-san suggested neatly, smirking at Akaashi over her glass.

“You all overestimate me.” Akaashi said softly, ducking his head down when Konoha bumped their shoulders together. “There’s not much to tell.” Or, more importantly, not much he wanted to tell. Akaashi had always been a private person by nature, which might be difficult to believe considering how long he had dated Bokuto-san.

“Modest as always.” Saru said with a fond smile, before his gaze sharpened. “Maybe instead of talking about the past, we should talk about the present?”

“Some of your coworkers seem very cute.” Hana commented, and Akaashi let out a soft sigh. He should have known better than to have let his coworkers tag him in the pictures of the nights they had gone out drinking. 

“We get along well.” Akaashi said neutrally, trying not to think of the incriminating pictures. He had sat close to Shibata all night, allowed him to pour him drink after drink until their shoulders were touching as they spoke, low and intimate. He knew that spark of warmth curling low in his gut for what it was, and part of him wanted to pursue it because what he to lose? The larger, more cautious part of him had a long list that began with his job and ended with his sense of self and self worth. Infatuation was all well and good, but when it blossomed into something real and concrete, it threatened to become a weight Akaashi bore for years. He’d been accused by more than one romantic partner that he was too pessimistic, and that he always had one foot out the door. Was it wrong, to want to shield himself from hurt?

He started a bit when Yukie-san pushed the plate of snacks towards him, her expression concerned. When he glanced around the table, he noted everyone else’s faces mirrored hers, and he took the proffered snack without comment. “If anything happens, you all will be the first to know.”

That at least, seemed to appease them, and after a few heart beats, Konoha turned to Akaashi with a grin.

“So how much volleyball did you play over there?”

It was difficult to tell who groaned louder, Yukie-san or Hana.

 

\---

 

At the end of the night, as they were cleaning up the beer cans and the crumbs from all the snacks, Yukie-san rested her chin against his shoulder, letting out a small sigh.

“You deserve happiness too, Keiji. You should go for it.”

Just that one tiny reminder, so silly and obvious, felt like a blessing for a new start. He rested his chin briefly against the top of her head in acknowledgement before picking up his phone to text Shibata.

 

\---

 

When Akaashi had first broached the topic of their break up, Bokuto had been strangely amendable. 

“I trust you, Akaashi. I just want you to be happy.” He had said, looking a bit befuddled, and while he hadn’t been _happy_ exactly, it had just seemed like they had taken one seamless step back from being together to just being friends. 

‘Trust Bokuto-san to be able to be friends with an ex.’ Akaashi had thought, half-relieved and half-disappointed. After all, if Bokuto-san had let go of him so easily, had their relationship been worth so little to both of them?

 

\---

 

“The famous Keiji Akaashi, we meet at last! I’m glad we have this opportunity to chat.” Bokuto-san’s new- Kobayashi-san greeted him warmly, bowing haphazardly to present his business card. A bit confused at the formality since they were at a children’s birthday party, where most of the other adults were drinking already and hitting each other with balloon swords, Akaashi quickly went to wipe the condensation from his hand to accept it, bowing back. He wasn’t sure what was more off putting, the greeting or the way that Kobayashi-san looked pleased at Akaashi’s slight discomfort. 

“Kobayashi-san. It’s a pleasure to meet you in person. I’ve read some of your articles, and they were very interesting.” Akaashi said politely, sure it sounded more dry and sarcastic than he wanted. Truthfully, he could only remember the articles that were about Bokuto-san. The rest, he found, he couldn’t remember being innovative or particularly newsworthy, but perhaps he was being cruel.

No matter how disingenuous his words sounded, apparently it was fine with Kobayashi-san, who beamed as if the praise was one hundred percent sincere from a fawning fan, and immediately Akaashi had the thought that his relationship with Bokuto-san was built solely on exchanging compliments and stroking each other’s egos. He took a breath to steady himself. He was being unfair.

“Really now? I’m flattered. If you ever want a subscription, just let me know and I can get you a discount.” Akaashi was glad he didn’t have to respond to this, since he wasn’t sure how to take this generous offer. “But what I really wanted to talk to you was about Kou-kun.”  


Akaashi had been bracing him for a conversation like this, but he hadn’t thought it would come so soon or so bluntly. He raised his eyebrows slightly, turning to look automatically to where Bokuto-san was, surrounded by children who were lining up for piggy back rides. “If you’re worried I’ll jeopardize your relationship with him-” Akaashi started, quickly and quietly, before Kaito-san cut him off with a brief laugh.

“I’m not worried about _that_.” He said breezily, and Akaashi wasn’t sure if he was being condescending or if he knew, like Akaashi had known, that Bokuto-san wouldn’t stray, wouldn’t even _think_ of straying. Either way it grated. “But you two were together a long time right? I was hoping you could give me some tips on how to handle him.”

“Handle him…?” Akaashi repeated back, trying to keep his tone as neutral as possible but failing. Part of him wanted to tell him that Bokuto-san wasn’t like a pet you had to train, but a bigger part of him didn’t want to make a scene. Especially when he might be reading into this conversation all wrong.

“Yeah, sometimes he can be a bit moody or much. You should know better than anyone right? I heard you were the best at dealing with him…”

Akaashi couldn’t be sure what he said or did, grateful not for the first time in his life for his poker face and for the fact that he could be polite on autopilot. When he managed to excuse himself from the conversation a short while later, he sat down next to Yukie-san, who, without bothering to ask, popped open another beer for him. A good thing too, since his hands were shaking in anger.

“You get it now?” She asked nonchalantly as Akaashi took a few gulps, unsure of what to do with the anger and dread curling up in his stomach.

“Yes.” He understood perfectly why no one had wanted to talk about Bokuto-san’s new boyfriend. It wasn’t to spare Akaashi’s feelings, but to let him form his own opinions of the man. And most likely, to watch what Akaashi would do.

Akaashi would have appreciated it, if he wasn’t so sure they had been hoping he would have decked Kobayashi-san.


	3. Chapter 3

Akaashi had meant every word he said when he said he wasn’t going to become a homewrecker, especially after just one short conversation. He was well aware that he might just be seeing what he wanted, and that despite Kobayashi-san’s perceived shortcomings, Bokuto-san was still happy. Which, above all else, was the most important thing to him. 

While Akaashi was still very close to his teammates at Fukurodani, he was well aware that they could have a hive mind in some ways. It had been helpful back in their high school days, when Akaashi was able to convey to them without speaking what they needed to do about Bokuto-san, but it could blind them all as well. The most telling time had been concerning Yukie-san and Suzumeda-san getting together. They had all been convinced that they were just good friends, and even Akaashi had been a bit surprised when they had admitted to having been dating for a few months. 

So, in order to confirm his gut instincts, and to have a feasible partner in… whatever Akaashi did decide to do, there was really only one choice.

“I’m glad you could make time in your busy social calendar for me.” Kuroo-san said with a small grin as they took their seats opposite of each other in the booth. The bar Kuroo-san had suggested was surprising well-lit and well kept, and when Akaashi looked over the menu, it was all reasonably priced. When Kuroo saw his raised eyebrow, he let out a small laugh. “I’ve known you long enough to know what you look for in a bar. Let me be a good senpai and buy the first round.”

Having no real objections, Akaashi dipped his head making a mental note to pace himself. While Kuroo didn’t possess the ability to convince Akaashi to do just about anything that Bokuto had, he came pretty close. Instead of raw charisma and friendliness, he relied on logic and needling. Akaashi had woken up more times than he could count cursing him as he nursed an awful hangover.

“I appreciate that. I’ll get the next round.” Akaashi offered, before adding, “You’re looking well. How is Kenma doing?” Kuroo made a slight face at the questions, leaning back casually into his chair.

“I know you two still talk, so you can ask him yourself. Wouldn’t you rather skip the pleasantries and get to business?” Though Akaashi was sure few other people would have been able to pick up on his surprise at Kuroo’s bluntness, the other man picked up on it right away, of course. He pleased grin was as irritating as ever, but it did help to cut to the heart of the matter, even if Akaashi was tempted to play innocent just to be contrary. 

“What business, exactly?” Which wasn’t being contrary, not fully, but Akaashi got a small bit of satisfaction at the way Kuroo let out a sigh, leaning forward and resting his elbows against the table. His sleeves were rolled up, and without thinking about it, his eyes drifted to the partially exposed tattoo that echoed the one on Bokuto’s arm.

“About Kou and Kobayashi.” Akaashi kept his face carefully neutral, glad he had kept his fingers beneath the table. The way he fidgeted with them would have been a dead giveaway.

“I’m not here to break them up. I’ve been seeing someone.” He said quickly, feeling defensive without even having to hear Kuroo speak, those dark eyes too sharp and intelligent for their own good. This was why coming to Kuroo was a double edged sword - he might see right into the heart of Akaashi, and unlike his other friends, he had no qualms about teasing Akaashi about it. 

Perhaps Akaashi looked like he was coiled too tightly, because Kuroo’s expression softened, and he leaned back in his chair to give Akaashi more breathing room. “I know. And even if you were, it wouldn’t work. Kou’s loyalty isn’t that fickle. Unfortunately.” He slung a casual arm over the back of the booth, stretching out his lanky frame. “I was just hoping that Kou would finally have a shot at happiness. Kobayashi isn’t a bad guy, he just tends to treat Kou like he’s a trophy, to be taken out to show off then put back into place when no one else is around.” He nodded towards the server when a pitcher of beer was deposited to their table, and helpfully, Akaashi topped both of their glasses.

“I noticed. He came to me asking for tips on how to keep Bokuto-san reigned in.” Akaashi stated around his glass, making Kuroo snort as he rolled his eyes.

“He’s asked stuff like that from everyone. Can’t even call it asking for relationship advice. More like how to train a pet.” He took a generous gulp of his beer, eyes never leaving Akaashi’s face. “While Kou’s happy for now, he’ll catch on eventually. I was going to give them a year tops, but with how things are now, I doubt it’ll take that long.” Kuroo shrugged, setting his glass down. He must have sensed how uneasy that statement made Akaashi, because he also added, “Not because of your meddling, but there are some things at play here. So if you’re looking for a game plan, I’d suggest just staying out of it. Trying to get Kou to see the light will only make him that much more determined to defend Kobayashi. You know how he gets.”

While Akaashi hadn’t been expecting some whacky plan, he had to admit, this mature take was a bit surprising from Kuroo. Was this really the same person who had suggested not once, not twice, but multiple times that they should keep people from hitting on Kenma until he had finally worked up the nerve to confess to him?

“You’ve matured nicely, Kuroo-san.” Akaashi said, making sure to look properly respectful. “This might be the wisest thing you’ve ever said in my presence.”

Kuroo scoffed loudly at that, topping up his glass. “There it is, that famous sharp tongue of yours. Does the person you’re seeing know what they’re in for?”

Casually, Akaashi shrugged, smiling slightly into his glass. “He seems to be enjoying it so far.” 

 

\---

 

The thing with Shibata was nothing serious. They had talked about it of course, and had agreed to become mutually exclusive, but beyond that, they were just enjoying each other’s company. Their dates were always light hearted, griping about work, comparing their normal childhoods. They spent nights at Shibata’s apartment watching old movies or going out to try new restaurants. 

It was nice, uncomplicated. He had someone to text good morning to, someone to vent at when things at the office were getting stressful, and someone to plan tentative weekend trips together with. 

And it didn’t hurt that Shibata was good-looking and generous in bed. He started to stay over at Shibata’s more often than not, and while he liked where they were now, he dreaded having the conversation about moving in together or what they truly felt for each other. Like most of his other relationships, he doubted Shibata would be pleased to know that Akaashi enjoyed his company and that he found their time together adequate. It wasn’t for lack of trying, but trying to force something to develop that wasn’t there was more hurtful than honesty, in the long run. But for now… For now that was a problem for another day. 

 

\---

 

“Oh, Akaashi you’re home.” Akaashi looked up from where he had been neatly straightening his shoes in the entryway, raising an eyebrow. Yukie looked distracted, the normal dreamy look on her face replaced with something akin to weariness. Her eyes kept darting from him to the door, and curiously, Akaashi followed her gaze, but nothing seemed out of place.

“Shibata is visiting family for a few days.” He answered, taking a few steps inside, concerned about Yukie’s behavior. “What’s wrong?” She snapped her eyes back to him, mouth turning downwards.

“Do you mind staying with Konoha or Saru for a few days? Kaito just broke it off, so Kou-kun’s coming over.” If Yukie had shot a barb tipped arrow straight through his heart, it wouldn’t have shocked or hurt him as much as that last sentence, and all the implications that came with it. Stunned, he stood in the entryway, searching her face for any sign that she was joking or that what she said wasn’t true. Not only because he knew that Bokuto-san would be absolutely devastated and hurting, but because it sounded an awfully lot like Akaashi being here would make that break up worse. That the tentative friendship he was building back up with Bokuto-san wasn’t enough to make him privy to this. And, with a slow sinking realization, he could see that this wasn’t the first time that Bokuto-san had his heart broken and that Yukie had to pick up the pieces.

“I’ll let Konoha know I’m on my way.” Akaashi said, the words seeming to come from another person entirely. 

“Just get your things. I’ll text him.” Yukie said, already turning back to her phone, and with a small nod, Akaashi headed towards his temporary bedroom feeling unsteady on his feet. ‘A few days’. That was how long it would take Bokuto-san to get over a six month relationship that, in his opinion, hadn’t been that great. But even he couldn’t deny that Bokuto-san had been happy, that Kobayashi had taken care of him. So why… 

Quickly, he stuffed a few changes of clothes into his old gym bag, his phone charger, and the essential toiletries. Yukie shot him a quick, apologetic smile as he passed her, the silence thick and palpable as he toed on his shoes.

“Are you sure you don’t need help?” Akaashi asked, feeling the urge to at least offer, but Yukie shook her head, already opening the door.

“Don’t worry, this won’t be the first time. I can take care of him, and I’ll have reinforcements when Kuroo gets back from his weekend trip with Kenma.” ‘Reinforcements’. Akaashi wanted to say something, do anything, to get that pinched look off of Yukie’s face, but he wasn’t sure what that would be.

“I’m sorry.” He offered lamely, and Yukie only gave him the ghost of a smile, patting his shoulder. He was halfway out the door, bag slung over his shoulder when Bokuto-san rounded the corner. 

Putting it nicely, he looked like a wreck. His hair was unkept, his eyes bloodshot and bruised from crying, his whole face a perfect picture of misery. His clothes were rumpled and wrinkled, and Akaashi couldn’t be sure with the lack of light, but it looked like he had two different types of shoes on. For Bokuto, who was carefree and careless, but had always taken great care of his appearance, especially his hair, to go out looking like this… It felt like someone had snapped back his ribs to squeeze his heart like a vice. Because at the sight, all he wanted to do was drop his bag and take Bokuto-san in his arms, to hold him until he was himself again. 

For his part, Bokuto mostly looked stunned to see Akaashi there, face worryingly blank-

“Koutarou.” For a moment, Akaashi was afraid that had come from him, but Bokuto’s attention shifted behind him, to Yukie who was standing in the doorway framed by light. With a small nod to Akaashi, he brushed past him, the door closing shut softly behind him. 

It took Akaashi a few moments of reminding himself how to breathe to collect himself, and with one glance over his shoulder at the closed off house behind him, he turned and headed towards the subway station.

 

\---

 

“I’m going to go.” Bokuto-san had said all those years ago, face pinched and unhappy, looking everywhere but Akaashi’s face. 

“You have an early flight tomorrow, and my place is closer to the airport.” Akaashi had said, trying to be gentle, but even to his ears it sounded cold and detached. Bokuto-san wouldn’t look at him, and somehow that was more devastating than their ‘break up’ all those months ago. Possibly, because now that he was looking back at it, it hadn’t been real. They had split amicably, which was strange for a highly emotional being like Bokuto-san and for someone like Akaashi, who always cut ties as soon as it looked like it might become complicated. 

They had still talked every day, called each over for no particular reason, and Akaashi still found himself looking through Bokuto’s social media in his down time more often than not. Every time he had seen Bokuto-san with someone he didn’t know, he felt that familiar dread settle in his stomach, even though he tried to stop himself. If Bokuto-san found someone new, Akaashi would support him, just like he hoped Bokuto-san would if the reverse were true. 

But jealousy, ugly and clinging, tended to weigh heavy on him until he found a way to ask Bokuto-san about the girl with the ponytail and bright smile or the boy he’d taken a photo with at the gym, both of them flexing. Bokuto-san had always answered the same, that they were just friends or it was someone he’d met, and Akaashi felt traitorous relief each time. 

So he couldn’t say he was surprised when Bokuto-san said he was going to be in the same city as Akaashi for a training camp and that he wanted to meet up. He couldn’t say that he hadn’t seen where this would end, when they had been inseparable whenever they both had free time, sneaking in lunches, Akaashi stopping by to meet Bokuto-san’s team, or Bokuto-san would wait for Akaashi to get off of work, sitting on the bench in front of his office building, dozing. No one would believe him when he said he didn’t still have feelings for Bokuto when he had confessed just that, two hours ago after far too many drinks and the two of them squeezed close together. No, no one would be shocked when after saying such a thing, they had started kissing and couldn’t seem to stop, their bodies slotting together as easily as they always did, with just the barest brush of Bokuto’s knuckles against his hips enough to make Akaashi shudder. 

Tonight was the last night Bokuto-san would be in the States before he flew back to Japan, and Akaashi would be left behind, alone and lonely. He could blame alcohol, Bokuto-san’s gross lack of physical boundaries, and the gnawing dread that had taken shape and physical weight in his bones, but he knew himself better. He had never wanted to let Bokuto-san go, but he would never have been able to survive losing him to someone else when time and distance proved to be too much. It was better to leave on his own terms. And yet…

Bokuto-san still wouldn’t look at him and Akaashi felt like someone was scraping his heart out with a jagged blade.

“We broke up.” Akaashi added, as if to remind the both of them, and Bokuto-san flinched away from him as if he’d been struck. 

“I know, that Akaashi, I know! But I miss you all the time. Every time something happens to me, you’re the first person I want to talk to about it. Every time I have a bad day, I just have to think about you and I feel better. If it’s just distance I can come out to visit you all the time-”

“It’s not just distance.” Akaashi interrupted, feeling tired all of a sudden. He didn’t want to have this conversation, now or ever, because it meant that he couldn’t have Bokuto-san in his life like he used to. If at all. And he was selfish, wanting to hold onto Bokuto-san while having no claim on him. 

“Then what is it?” Bokuto-san asked softly, finally turning to look at Akaashi, and he looked like how he felt. Exhausted and hollow, on the verge of crying, resigned. Akaashi had never seen him like that before, and more than anything, he wanted to kiss him again, to ask him to stay. To say fine, fine, he was a fool and that they should get back together.

But he’d already allowed himself to reveal too much.

“Time. We won’t have time for each other soon. I’ll be given more responsibilities at work, and you’ll be training in earnest-”

“Akaashi.” Bokuto-san stopped him with a small, incredulous laugh. “We’ve been making time for each other.” Akaashi hated how Bokuto-san was right, how he made it sound like it was all so easy, that all of Akaashi’s fears were unfounded and silly. “Just tell me the truth.”

It went both ways, this understanding. People always tended to overlook it because Bokuto always seemed to irritate Akaashi or lean on him too heavily. But now, with his gold eyes piercing straight into him, he knew nothing would saite him but the real reason. Akaashi tried to think of a nice way to say this, to pretty it up so it wouldn’t hurt so much, but wasn’t that a pipe dream? Telling someone you couldn’t be with them was never going to be painless. Maybe it was best that way, like how to keep yourself from touching a hot stove or going past your limits. Pain was there to remind you not to do something again.

“We were never going to work out long term.” He said finally, hating his words, how Bokuto-san took them stoically. He expected Bokuto-san to demand clarification, to refute the statement, to start shouting, but he just looked… defeated. The multiple times they had lost at Nationals, he’d never seen Bokuto take a loss so deeply and so quickly, and he curled away from Akaashi like a flower wilting away from a flame. He stood up suddenly, before Akaashi could think of anything else, straightening out his clothes and heading towards the doorway. 

_Stop him_. It seemed like his whole body was screaming to move, but Akaashi couldn’t even if he tried. This was for the best, this is what he had wanted, and yet- Watching Bokuto put his shoes on, and that _look_ he shot him, as if he’d never seen him before, stabbed him straight and clean to the core. He was surprised he didn’t feel blood pooling beneath his shirt, the pain was so intense and oddly detached.

“We could have, if we tried.” Bokuto-san said, so uncharacteristically soft that Akaashi couldn’t be sure he had heard him correctly. Then he was out the door without another word, leaving Akaashi to tear himself apart in the dark.

 

\---

 

It was three days of staying at Konoha’s house before Yukie called to let him know it was safe to come back. It had been a slightly surreal experience, with Konoha mostly griping about the whole situation without using actual words, and when Akaashi had asked tentatively why Konoha didn’t go over to help, he had scoffed.

“We have this down to shifts now. It’s Yukie’s turn, then Kuroo, then Saru. If I have to cover, I will, but not any sooner.” He had said, and when Akaashi had looked contemplative, he had added almost as an apology, “Yukie’ll take care of it. He didn’t seem too bad this time around.” 

As brief as that slip up was, Akaashi couldn’t stop thinking about it. He had wanted to ask about the shifts, but there never seemed to be a good time, and Konoha stopped talking about it altogether quickly.

So instead when the call came, he thanked Konoha for his hospitality, promising him a round of drinks, before he packed up and headed back to Yukie’s.

After the emotional wreck Bokuto-san had been when he had seen him, he wasn’t sure what state he would found Yukie-san in. While it was true she was normally admirably detached from most situations, she was also fiercely loyal to her friends and tended to shoulder her negative emotions alone. When she and Suzumeda had broken it off, she had been disjointed for days until she had finally fallen apart and cried on Bokuto-san’s shoulder. 

Oddly enough, he found her in the kitchen brewing tea, looking exhausted but at peace. She nodded at Akaashi as he came in, but otherwise didn’t look up from her task.

“I’m sorry if I made things more difficult.” Akaashi said awkwardly as he stood in the doorway, wringing his hands absently. “And that I couldn’t have been more help.”

“No need to apologize. It was a lot worse, last time. At least this was only for a few days.” Yukie-san said breezily, waving her hand as if to dispel Akaashi’s obvious discomfort.

It didn’t, and his hands couldn’t seem to sit still. “Konoha-san said something about shifts…” Yukie-san let out a loud sigh, tapping her fingers against her mug in agitation, no doubt scheming on how she would make Konoha-san suffer for his loose lips.

“Did he…?” She asked, carefully noncommittal, which meant it was a topic she didn’t want to get into. Then, she abruptly rounded on Akaashi, eyes narrowed. Her rare sharp gaze was enough to make Akaashi straighten his spine. “Ask me, and I’ll tell you. But I don’t think you want to hear about it.”

For a few moments, Akaashi focused on his hands, twisting his fingers together, finding the motion soothing. He couldn’t forget Bokuto-san’s face from the other night, how raw his grief and hurt were. At the sight, he had wanted to find Kobayashi and tell him exactly what sort of person he was, to use his words like a weapon, and if those didn’t hurt him enough, then his fists. Akaashi wasn’t a violent person by nature, but seeing the devastation that had brought Bokuto-san low was enough to make him furious. 

On the other hand, hadn’t he done the same thing to Bokuto-san? Hadn’t he let him go once his own emotions became too inconvenient? Once he realized Bokuto-san had unconsciously gotten him to invest wholly in their relationship, his feet planted firmly towards Bokuto-san instead of one halfway out the door. That once he realized if Bokuto-san left him, he’d be the one who wouldn’t recover? Hadn’t he panicked to the point of becoming irrational and had looked for any way to escape and break it off before Bokuto-san got scouted and realized how much better he could be doing for himself?

He had no right to judge Kobayashi, and yet here he was, doing just that when he was no better. No, when he was much, _much_ worse. 

“After…” Akaashi started, his throat and mouth suddenly feeling very dry, with no more words managing to escape. Yukie-san, at least, took pity on him, turning to face him fully, mug cupped in her hands.

“He was a complete mess. It took him weeks before he stopped crying. We had to look after him in shifts just to make sure he was still eating and sleeping. Luckily his teammates helped out too, or else I’m pretty sure we wouldn’t have been able to manage.” Yukie-san said matter of factly, Akaashi flinching at the tone of her voice. Factual, but with an edge to it he couldn’t deny. “You know him. He took it all to heart, his moods would fluctuate wildly between wanting to see you and never wanting to talk about you again. It was difficult for him, but you knew that.” Yukie-san said, not unkindly.

She paused to take a drink of her tea, to let the weight of her words settle.

“I know it was rough for you too. I think knowing that helped Koutarou eventually. But it took a lot of coaxing and waking up to twenty voicemails of him crying.” She shrugged, putting her mug down and crossing the distance between them to grab Akaashi’s hands in her own. “And for better or for worse, it was the right thing to do. You know what you want now, don’t you?”

Akaashi ducked away from looking at her, his face pinched and his breathing labored. This time around, if he wanted Bokuto-san, he would have to try. Time or distance or misgivings aside. What Yukie-san was telling him was that she would support him so long as he knew that Bokuto-san wouldn’t be able to lose him a second time. He didn’t know what to say to that, didn’t want to address the strange hope that welled, warm and comforting, against his heart.

“I have someone right now. And Bokuto-san just got out of a relationship.” Akaashi said finally, hands still underneath Yukie-san’s, and she gave him a small smile, patting him on the shoulder.

“As long as you’re happy, I won’t say anything.” But her expression said they both know what he felt about Shibata. “Anyway, if you really feel bad you should take me out to lunch. I’m starving.” She said primly, going back to finish the rest of her mug of tea, while Akaashi let out a small, watery laugh.

“Have I told you lately how well finances suits you?” He asked, and Yukie flashed him a sarcastic peace sign.

“Only every time I extort you.” 

 

\---

 

“Akaashi?” Stirring slightly, Akaashi sat up straighter, rubbing his eyes blearily. 

“Are we there already?” He asked, voice thick with sleep, still not eager to wake up fully. Time had passed by quickly, and before he he had known it, a year and a half had gone by since he returned to Japan. It’d been over a year since he had turned down Shibata’s offer to move in with him, and they’d subsequently parted ways. Not too long afterwards, Akaashi’d been promoted and transferred to another branch, effectively ensuring there would be no awkwardness at the office. It had been difficult, moving away from Yukie-san and their comfortable routine, but they had still found time to meet each other more often than not. 

The biggest change, however, was after a few months of dancing around each other, he had finally plucked up the courage to ask Bokuto-san if he was ready to try again. His answer had been Bokuto-san picking him up like nothing and kissing him soundly, much to the jeers and cat calling of their friends.

‘You all owe me money!” Yukie-san had crowed, since apparently Akaashi’s numerous rebuttals of not being a homewrecker or interested in Bokuto-san in that way had been ignored since he had first returned to Japan.

It still didn’t seem real, even after all this time, and he was hesitant to wake up fully unless it was a dream.

“We’ll be there in five minutes! Don’t forget your laptop this time!” Bokuto-san, now Koutarou again he supposed, mock scolded him, his grin as bright as always.

Akaashi huffed a small scoff at that, closing his eyes again, mouth curving up into a smile despite himself.

“Wasn’t it you who forgot all of our luggage last time?”

“Akaashi! You promised not to bring that up again!”

It was strange to think about how when Akaashi had gotten a request to relocate to Australia for three years, when he had spoken to Koutarou about it, he hadn’t even hesitated.

‘I’m coming with you! Everything else will work itself out!’ 

What was even stranger was that Akaashi hadn’t even protested, and had just believed him wholeheartedly. 

“It must have slipped my mind.” Akaashi said innocently enough, ignoring Koutarou’s grumblings, reaching over to grab ahold of his hand, buoyed by how he gave it a comforting squeeze. 

This time around, they were going to last.


End file.
